The Latest Canadian Poop On America’s National Mall

GeeseThe Lame-Stream Media are again ignoring a dastardly attack on all that is good and pure: The ongoing attack by arrogant Canadians upon our  National Mall in Washington, D.C. This stinks!

In fact, each self-righteous Canadian is leaving some two to three stinking pounds, helter skelter over the walks and monuments every day! The United States is a peace-loving nation (well, with respect to its own territory) but these attacks demand action … even the Lincoln Memorial has not been safe!

Fortunately, the U.S. Government has decided after very few decades actually, that it can no longer ignore these assaults upon all that is – well, if not good and holy, at least good and political. It is bringing in, after due deliberation of course, the Greene Police to deal with these attackers.

These highly trained, elite operatives are expected to restore some semblance of civility to the Mall. Tourists and Senators will no longer need to walk with fear and circumspection nor look up before entering a memorial. Peace and sanitation should be restored.

However, the Greene Police dogs will be few and the Canadian geese, many and the geese are famously unafraid as well as government protected, though we have not identified exactly which Senator they customarily lobby for that protection. To find their sponsor, one might, we suppose search for whichever denizen of Congress has not been schat upon; perhaps a search of dry cleaners in the Capitol?

It may be too, that the birds vote somewhere, after all, the dead rise to do that in New York City and Chicago, according to reports. Regardless, the Greene Police are coming. They are reportedly, Australian Shepherds, trained to chivvy herds of sheep. News of attacks by infuriated sheep are pretty scarce; Canadian Geese are another matter entirely. They are often infuriated while sleeping, rousing to a higher pitch upon waking. Not to be trifled with.

The dogs seem to be the first defensive response from our governors; a rather timid one compared to the degree of the attacks. It seems to us that this is not at its end; the geese are resourceful. Congress seems rather short of resources excepting those it squeezes from taxpayers.

This is unlikely to be over at this point, seems to us. We recommend that for a while at least, folks should not look up to their government. At least, not while walking the National Mall.

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About Jack Curtis

Suspicious of government, doubtful of economics, fond of figure skating (but the off-ice part, not so much)
This entry was posted in D.C, Government, National Mall, Washington and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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