As the NSA (National Security Agency) or “Shhh …” as it is known to its friends (all both of them) drifts from public attention attention back into its preferred obscurity, we have been struck by a stroke of inspiration. Nobody ever heard of the NSA until Barack Obama had become President of the U.S, right? So it must be his policy making that has propelled it into sight; he gets the credit.
We decided that the whole affair is a stroke of our President’s financial genius. It is a step in saving our declining economy. The rumor that the President plans to pardon Edward Snowden suddenly makes sense. In fact, Snowden will probably receive a Presidential citation. Later, of course.
The NSA has been listening in for decades, with nary a peep from anyone. Everyone knew that — well, everyone but the American citizens — even the Germans knew. And they all did the selfsame thing, anyway. Quietly, of course.
But Snowden blew his whistle and now the President’s brilliant plan is visible: An otherwise obscure news story makes it clear:
have been spiking in Germany. Yes, old tech, pre-computer machines for the manual typing of letters and such. Sales are going through the roof, because see, the NSA can’t snoop while you type on an old fashioned typewriter.
German typewriters are naturally, expensive. As this defensive measure spreads, other, less expensive places will manufacture the old machines and economies will begin to hire people and recover. This was foreseen by our brilliant President; it was doubtless his reason for approving NSA surveillance of Germany’s Angela Merkel in the firt place. But there is more to the President’s inspired plan.
The avalanche of old-fashioned letters will restore the dying government postal services too. Somebody has to deliver all that mail, right? Even more jobs! What could be better than this win – win situation? The postal unions will love it!
America’s President Barack Obama has not only saved our health with his Obamacare, he has saved the world economy with his NSA surveillance. Plus the postal service. How brilliant is that?