Did you know we’re not alone? ‘Activists’ (the new name for officious and bossy types wishing to impose their beliefs onto everybody at government gun point) have been upset over California’s Delta Smelt (a 3 inch fish), the Rio Grande Silver Minnow (Smaller) and that Texas lizard they keep bringing up to plug oil wells. These are carefully crafted distractions, straw creatures intended to distract us from the real threats, a radical Green conspiracy hidden in plain sight and intended to put Gaia once and for all into the loving hands (or paws) of her lovable creatures. That excludes, of course, us.
I have wondered why the Greens don’t simply advocate fumigating the planet of human life and be done with it. Now, it’s obvious I’ve done them an injustice; they aren’t so crude as that. They have a better, cheaper and more insidious way in mind; it begins with coyotes.
Wily E. Coyote and families have moved into our cities (there’s a six-pack living just off Chicago’s O’Hare airport) and become residents though not taxpayers across the continent, NYC to LA and everywhere between. And unlike the city animal control folks, they help keep the feral cats in bounds without charge. Any yappy little dogs that get loose, too. There’s a family that’s lived beneath a local bridge a couple blocks from my home for years now.
Nor are the coyotes alone; we have rabbits living among the shrubbery, rabbits that have become so comfortable they barely move out of the way when people walk by, though they’re brisk enough when dogs are being walked. We have to screen off the veggies we plant in pots every summer or the rabbits will harvest before we can. So all the Green crapola about Gaia’s creatures run out by our concrete is a bit exaggerated, they haven’t left; they’ve moved in with us. In some places, that includes deer and one New Mexico city is now sweating a herd of feral pigs that recently chased an elderly lady out of their territory, a park.
Now though, on top of all this background, the real Green Conspiracy lies revealed; the story has just been reported by scientists undoubtedly in on the plot: Bears, Mountain Lions to Reside in Cities? See, the harmless (though hungry) rabbits were just a trial run; the coyotes were the real test. They passed spectacularly, while humans slept, too stupid to recognize the threat as usual. They’re moving in the big predators next! There are already government-protected wolf packs in our parks and both bears and mountain lions have attacked people on the edges of my city. The Green Conspiracy is clear: they will invite the big boys (and girls) in, protect them by law and sit back watching Gaia’s Revenge on our species from heavily fenced vantage points.
Of course, a political deal is involved; the bears, big cats and such will have to agree to limit their diet; no illegal aliens, union members or drunk drivers, for instance. And they won’t be allowed within a thousand yards of a school grounds until after 3 pm on weekdays.
This will solve many present problems…for just one example, how many mountain lion lunches ever show up to bother an overcrowded emergency room? It’s all perfectly clear. And the Green conspiracy has hidden the whole thing behind accusations of right wing conspirators behind every bush, when the reality behind the shrubbery has been the predators coming to take over their new neighborhoods. Probably assisted by real estate agents…