We’re Getting New Neighbors!

Your Neighbor: Wily E. Coyote

Did you know we’re not alone? ‘Activists’ (the new name for officious and bossy types wishing to impose their beliefs onto everybody at government gun point) have been upset over California’s Delta Smelt (a 3 inch fish), the Rio Grande Silver Minnow (Smaller) and that Texas lizard they keep bringing up to plug oil wells. These are carefully crafted distractions, straw creatures intended to distract us from the real threats, a radical Green conspiracy hidden in plain sight and intended to put Gaia once and for all into the loving hands (or paws) of her lovable creatures. That excludes, of course, us.

I have wondered why the Greens don’t simply advocate fumigating the planet of human life and be done with it. Now, it’s obvious I’ve done them an injustice; they aren’t so crude as that. They have a better, cheaper and more insidious way in mind; it begins with coyotes.

Wily E. Coyote and families have moved into our cities (there’s a six-pack living just off Chicago’s O’Hare airport) and become residents though not taxpayers across the continent, NYC to LA and everywhere between. And unlike the city animal control folks, they help keep the feral cats in bounds without charge. Any yappy little dogs that get loose, too. There’s a family that’s lived beneath a local bridge a couple blocks from my home for years now.

Nor are the coyotes alone; we have rabbits living among the shrubbery, rabbits that have become so comfortable they barely move out of the way when people walk by, though they’re brisk enough when dogs are being walked. We have to screen off the veggies we plant in pots every summer or the rabbits will harvest before we can. So all the Green crapola about Gaia’s creatures run out by our concrete is a bit exaggerated, they haven’t left; they’ve moved in with us. In some places, that includes deer and one New Mexico city is now sweating a herd of feral pigs that recently chased an elderly lady out of their territory, a park.

Now though, on top of all this background, the real Green Conspiracy lies revealed; the story has just been reported by scientists undoubtedly in on the plot: Bears, Mountain Lions to Reside in Cities? See, the  harmless (though hungry) rabbits were just a trial run; the coyotes were the real test. They passed spectacularly, while humans slept, too stupid to recognize the threat as usual. They’re moving in the big predators next! There are already government-protected wolf packs in our parks and both bears and mountain lions have attacked people on the edges of my city. The Green Conspiracy is clear: they will invite the big boys (and girls) in, protect them by law and sit back watching Gaia’s Revenge on our species from heavily fenced vantage points.

Of course, a political deal is involved; the bears, big cats and such will have to agree to limit their diet; no illegal aliens, union members or drunk drivers, for instance. And they won’t be allowed within a thousand yards of a school grounds until after 3 pm on weekdays.

This will solve many present problems…for just one example, how many mountain lion lunches ever show up to bother an overcrowded emergency room? It’s all perfectly clear. And the Green conspiracy has hidden the whole thing behind accusations of right wing conspirators behind every bush, when the reality behind the shrubbery has been the  predators coming to take over their new neighborhoods. Probably assisted by real estate agents…

About Jack Curtis

Suspicious of government, doubtful of economics, fond of figure skating (but the off-ice part, not so much) Couple of degrees in government, a few medals in figure skating; just reading and suspicion for economics ...
This entry was posted in Competition, Conspiracy, Environment, EPA, Food, Immigration, Pets and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to We’re Getting New Neighbors!

  1. I have to say I’m with the greens here!
    Here in Sicily, the locals have been shooting every wild animal they catch sight of for several generations (they eat nearly all of them) and now there is practically nothing left. You go in the countryside and never hear birdsong. No squirrels or rabbits. There are no large wild animals of any kind.
    Once you’ve done that to your homeland, all you get left is rats, ticks and cockroaches, and we have those in spectacular abundance.
    You can ship all your wild animals over here. I can promise you, it just doesn’t feel right without them!

    • jackcurtis says:

      Well, can’t say I mind our non-taxpaying neighbors (when they’re not rabid, anyway) and that even includes the skunks and prairie dogs in town. I like them better than politicians, at the very least. Cougars and bears though… hmnn… And our politicians, pleasing the Green folk, tend to provide critters more rights than they do taxpayers, a seeming reversal of the way things were while we settled the continent. Takes some getting-used-to.

      I appreciate the impoverishment of an island reduced to rats and roaches for wildlife. You need some means for flavoring the roaches so the rats will do some good eating them, else at some point your governors there may expect you all to do that…very green, right? Renewable and all? Good economics? Low energy investment, too! Not much meat on a roach, granted but with all our wonderful biologists working away something might be done there. If they can restore the flavor to commercial tomatoes in supermarkets as now claimed, surely they can provide huge, meaty roaches? Yeah!

      So I’ll happily ship you cougars and bears (freight prepaid by recipient) that turn up but you’ll need to decide what to feed them…you’ll need a LOT of rats!

      Do you see any market for house sparrows?

      • Cougars a bears would be gratefully received.
        It would be a pity to send the house sparrows though – the Sicilians would eat them all now that they have finiched off all the robins. (You may think I’m joking, but actually that is true). (Euch!)

      • jackcurtis says:

        I will wrap up the next passing bear/cougar forthwith! Our robins have departed for the winter, nothing there now, sorry! I would have liked to have sold the sparrows, they steal the seed we put out for the songbirds…bullies! On the other hand, a helpful Cooper’s hawk removed one from the bird feeder yesterday. I suppose your Siciliani would eat her, too…

        You have seeded a small doubt about what the Siciliani may have incorporated into the nice Nero d’Avola we’ve been enjoying with dinner…

      • jackcurtis says:

        Uh…thank you…I think…

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